Why they Swear
by Anime Khat
Summary: Mpreg, crackafic. Kisame discovers why Itachi seems to be gaining weight. The entirety of the Akatsuki learn to never leave any form of child with Hidan for any given point of time. Deidara understands why any woman would want to strangle her partner...
1. Fat and Triplets

**Summery: **M-preg, crack-a-fic. Kisame discovers why Itachi seems to be gaining weight. The entirety of the Akatsuki learn to never leave any form of child with Hidan for any given point of time. Deidara understands why any woman would want to strangle her partner while during childbirth. Crack, and Yaoi.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, nor will I ever. I just have my lonely three manga, my two headbands, and my OC's. ;-; We have parties, sometimes….

**Whoop:** First chapter, and poor Bii-chan is hating my guts.Well... more like vomiting over the concept of this story, but I hope to make her at least smile a little bit on some of its' content. It's not about where they came from, because it seriously screws with the whole 'Where do babies come from?' question, but it's who they are, and how fucking funny they can be.

Srsly.

Anyways, got the idea from a RP I was working on. We wanted to spice it up a little (mind you, after Kisame nearly dies at one point in time), so we decided to try M-preg. My insane little brain came up with this explosion of crack.

**Remember:** When life gives you Lemons, Read them and Drool.

* * *

"'Tachi? Are you getting _fat_?"

"No." A growled response came, a pair of sharingan eyes glaring up at a blue-skinned male.

"Hn…" Kisame muttered in response, a suspicious tone in his voice. "I had noted you were looking less flat a few weeks ago, but now it's even noticeable under your shirt." He grunted, grinning stupidly and scratching your head. "You haven't, ah… been eating between meals, have you?" he asked.

Itachi sighed heavily. "No, Kisame. If I have, I would've invited you, because we all know you love to eat. Now go get packed so we can leave, already." He grunted out, working on packing his own things. His partner nodded a bit and trailed over to his side of the bed, collecting random weapons, traps, and exploding tags and tossing them into a bag. The Uchiha caught some glances directed at him, and he sighed heavily. '_It's going just as fast as Hidan's was, right before they left for that three-year-long mission._' He thought to himself, frowning.

Why the immortal team_needed_ all that time was a mystery, anyways. To some.

* * *

About a half an hour of hurrying Kisame on, and another ten minutes to pack extra food provisions so they could eat while they ran to the village they'd be stationed in (Kisame insisted, since they hadn't had breakfast), the duo were ready to leave. Placing their packs in their cloaks, and donning the symbol of the Akatsuki, they were soon off and traveling.

It took a full day to get to Futaro village, and the two males removed their cloaks and trailed into the small town to find a decent hotel. When one was spotted, Itachi sighed in partial relief that there was a hot springs. They checked into a room and went and deposited their things, not having to start the mission until the next day.

It was a simple mission, Kisame thought, as the two of them stripped, donned towels around their waists, and headed down to the hot springs. They would have to seek out a few of their spies, and kill off a duo that threatened to reveal said spies to the village. With a hot springs and plenty of time to complete the mission, it was like a paid vacation. He wondered what Kakuzu would have to say to that.

Grinning, Kisame's eyes wandered over Itachi's form as they removed the towels and slipped into the steaming waters. There was nobody there, so the shark-man was free to tuck his arms around the other male, nuzzling his cheek. A hand slid down and rested on a pale stomach, subconsciously rubbing at it lightly as they sat comfortably together. It was after a few moments of that hand being slapped, that the blue male began to notice something.

"'Tachi?" Kisame asked lightly, and watched as the other male turned his head away a bit. "Why… are you getting fat?" the shark knew that had been the wrong question, and rubbed his head with a pained expression after being hit.

"Okay… Why… don't you have a sixpack anymore?" the blue male improvised, giving a hopeful grin as he was glared at. "What?"

"Why do you think I might be getting fat, Kisame?" Itachi asked, giving a distinct movement _away_ from the other male. "And- It doesn't have anything to do with diet and exercise, and you are apart of the reason." The Uchiha sighed as he looked away from the shark-man's pitiful, blank look.

"Wait… How would I be involved?" Kisame asked, trying to scoot close to Itachi again. He wrapped his arms around the other male, this time, making sure he couldn't go anywhere. He pouted as the Uchiha purposefully didn't look at him. His hand trailed down again and rested on the partially swollen stomach, trying to imagine what it was. His eyes widened a little as a soft hand came over his, and let them rest there.

"Do you want to know why Hidan and Kakuzu have been gone for so long, and why Deidara's been locked up in he and Sasori's room for the past week?" Itachi asked softly, head slowly turning to look at Kisame.

"We're pregnant."

* * *

The rest of the trip didn't seem to matter. Itachi and Kisame finished the mission early, and were somewhat quiet for the rest of their time there. It was two full weeks when they returned to the hideout, and they immediately noticed the change in air around the place. It was oddly quiet, and an air of relief hung around. As they shuffled to their room, the Uchiha noted that Kakuzu and Hidan seemed to have returned.

Setting his bag on its' usual place beside his dresser, Itachi removed his cloak and immediately slipped into bed, oddly exhausted. Kisame had followed behind him, closing the door and dropping his own bag beside it. He wandered over to the bed and bent down, giving the Uchiha a kiss, and then a mumble that he was going to shower, before he disappeared into the bathroom.

Itachi watched him go before letting his eyes close. He aught to check in with Leader, and make sure he got the reward in for Kakuzu to count up and split their portion into their accounts, but he didn't feel like moving. Sighing, he rolled onto his back, his hand covering his eyes and rubbing them a bit as he gave off a small yawn. The hand then moved down and rubbed at the sliver of stomach that was hanging out partially from under the fishnets that usually covered everything.

Kisame had reacted strangely to Itachi's news, and the raven-haired male continued to ponder at it. The shark had stared at him until the Uchiha finally decided to close his mouth for him before he began catching flies. And then the questions came, and he, the smartest of his clan, who'd become one of the youngest to join Konoha's ANBU squad, had no answers. That led to a bit of an argument, and they weren't talking to each other for anything more then directions for the mission.

Only when the reward was safe in their possession, did they talk again. Just before they left to return to the hideout, did they actually cuddle and kiss once more. And the odd thing about it all was that they decided to keep it.

Itachi smiled to himself just slightly as he let out a soft sigh, shifting his head to bury it into a pillow. He was on Kisame's side of the bed, and said pillow smelled nice. They would keep the child, and maybe train them to become great shinobi, like its' parents. The Uchiha fell asleep before a certain Ex-Mist-nin even turned on the shower.

* * *

Kisame's first taste of what was slowly approaching came with the following morning, after returning to the hideout. Itachi had gotten up early, mumbling something about being sick. The shark-man had gone back to bed after the Uchiha assured him he would be okay. The next thing he'd heard was that the ravonette was hungry, and that was that. The blue-male drifted in and out of sleep for the next few minutes, and then decided to get up and have breakfast with his partner. Strange things soon followed.

After getting dressed, Kisame yawned and wandered out of he and Itachi's room, heading for the kitchen. He heard some chatter, and several swear words that he could pick out indicated that it was Hidan. He then heard a few things of what sounded like Itachi, but he'd yet picked out any coherent words besides 'Fuck', 'Fucker', and 'Asshole', which were obviously all Hidan. And then, the shark-man had to stop and strain his ears. He heard a vague word of 'Fuckhead', but it sounded neither like Hidan or Itachi, or even anyone in the Akatsuki, for that matter.

It sounded distinctly like a small child.

Curiosity piqued, Kisame cautiously stepped forwards, and paused at the end of the hall that leaded to the living room, which opened into the dining room. Hidan and Itachi were sitting at the table, chatting almost casually, and Kakuzu was sitting on the couch with the TV on. It was what the stitched-nin's black threads were holding on to that got him interested. He didn't even note the minor wave the other male gave him as he watched for a bit.

"Fucker!" A tiny finger pointed at Kisame, and then there were three. Black-haired, red-eyed, and distinctly carrying traits of their parents, a set of triplets stood at the end of their 'leashes', while their father was partially amused by them, and the costumed crew of short fat things that were rainbow-colored, and had televisions in their stomachs.

"That's right, Kira." Came Hidan's voice from the diningroom, his interest pulled from his and Itachi's conversation, to the arrival of Kisame. "Look what that fucker did to Itachi's stomach… it's going to leave marks, if you don't put lotion on it after every shower. It's fucking annoying. And then, you're going to be sick every morning for a while. I'm making sure that asshole on the couch there doesn't get it for a while. There's no way in hell I'm letting that happen again." The jashinist's conversation wavered between Kisame, and Itachi.

"Love you too, Honey." Came Kakuzu's weary reply as he began channel surfing. He sighed as he was griped at about leaving it on the kids' program, and Kisame was un-distracted enough to wander past the toddlers which were now playing with crayons and a set of coloring books. The shark-man vaguely noted lots of red, in places that made it look like blood, while he heard Kakuzu in the background making a point that the kids were already starting to address people as 'Bitches' and 'Fuckers' _anyways_. Sitting down at the table in the dining room after grabbing a glass of orange juice, he looked to Itachi, and blinked.  
"'Tachi… what are you eating?"

Kisame stared at something that might've come from Frankenstein's kitchen. A sandwich with, what the obvious toppings were, tuna and peanutbutter hanging out the bites taken from them. And then there was the bowl of ice cream with the distinct chunks of pickles mixed in.

"Breakfast." Itachi smirked lightly at the sharkman's weirded-out expression. He glanced up as Sasori entered the room, looking a bit tired, as his hair was in even more disarray than usual.

"Is he still hungry?" Hidan asked, smirking and raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah… he wants another tomato and ice cream sandwich." The redhead grunted, nodding to Kisame a little, and seeming almost immune to the thought of such weird foods.

"We should probably feed the little fuckers, too. Don't go too overboard on the ice cream- I think either Kiro or Kire wanted some. And when one wants it, so do the other two." Hidan grunted, standing and stretching a bit. Wandering into the livingroom, both he and Kakuzu rounded up the kids and began bringing them into the kitchen to set in chairs. Kisame shifted and stood up as they began arguing in a mixed babble of a few coherent words, toddler-talk, and swear words.

"I think I'll come back later for food." The shark-man mumbled, feeling a little overwhelmed. Itachi nodded a little, a small smirk finding its' way to his lips. "Don't wait too long to eat- you shouldn't miss meals. You might lose weight." He commented, taking a bite of his ice cream as he watched the blue male go.

"Thanks, Hidan-san." Itachi commented softly as his partner disappeared into the hallway leading off to their room. "I want him to get used to it, since we've both already agreed to keep it." He murmured, watching the two parents serve out three dishes of random things to eat. A scoop of ice cream in a bowl, and then a plate of a sandwich, and handfuls of whatever chips were in the kitchen. Each of the triplets got a plate, and each parent began making sure they didn't eat too messily.

"No problem." Hidan smirked, feeding Kira, while Kakuzu tended to Kire and Kiro. "Even though they're a pain in the ass, there's no way in hell I'll give them up for anything." His smile was partially short-lived, as Kira stuck a pretzel up his nose. "On second thought… Come here, you little fucker!" A chant of '_Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!_' was taken on by the other two children, as Hidan tickled Kira to the point where they were both turning red from laughter.

Itachi smiled, and thought about what it might be like with his own kin adding to the rucus during mealtimes. As well as Deidara and Sasori's….

Life within the Akatsuki would change drastically, but the Uchiha had a smile on his face thinking about it. He blinked as a hand was waved in front of his eyes.

"What'chya thinking about?" Hidan asked, and Itachi noted how much more friendly the Jashinist was, compared to the complaining zealot that had left the hideout a few years before.

Still smiling, Itachi shook his head. "Our impending doom."

* * *

Please, Review! Give me your comments- but none of your flames! I've got a lighter and some sticks for that! And, please... if you really want more- just keep reviewing more, and generally prodding me with a sharp stick. 'Cause, we all know how frequently my brain pushes me to work on these things vv; 


	2. Sleep and Chaos

**Summery: **M-preg, crack-a-fic. Kisame discovers why Itachi seems to be gaining weight. The entirety of the Akatsuki learn to never leave any form of child with Hidan for any given point of time. Deidara understands why any woman would want to strangle her partner while during childbirth. Crack and Yaoi.

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own Naruto… ;-; And, and… Ran and Berai keep fighting, and Kae ran off to find the dango shop, and they left me in the middle of Sunagakure… Just because I'm from the desert doesn't mean I don't like other climates!! And Kii keeps poking me!! vv

**Whoop:** Got a few reviews from the first chapter. I love the triplets just as much as you guys. :3 There's gonna be some cutesy moments when Kisame and Itachi's kid is born, as well as Deidara and Sasori's… But, of course, we're gonna have some of those moments with the triplets and their parents, too xD

Everyone needs a little lovin' 3

**Remember:** Never say you've run out of chocolate ice cream. Merely point out that you were about to go get some, and will be back soon.

* * *

Kisame felt a hand rest on his cheek, and he opened his eyes to see Itachi. They kissed, and the shark man grunted lightly. "Go easy on the pickles, next time…" came a bit of a mumble. He smiled when the other male laughed lightly, and then pulled him in for another kiss. "You eat enough?"

"Yeah- Hidan and Kakuzu are putting the kids down for a nap, so you can go eat, now." Itachi smiled as Kisame sat up, yawning and stretching.

"I think I shall, then." The shark man murmured, getting up and stretching a bit more. However, before he made the trip out to the dining room, he wandered to Itachi and gave him a bit of a hug, and a kiss. "We'll have to make sure ours doesn't pick up anything from the triplets, or Hidan." He murmured, a hand shifting to rub at the Uchiha's belly.

"Maybe, if we need to, we'll let Sasori-san, and Deidara baby-sit." Itachi replied, smiling and resting his hand on the blue man's.

"If we need to." A fourth kiss, and Kisame was off to satiate his growling stomach. He slipped into the living room and noted Sasori sitting at the table, yawning. "Hey, 'Sori." The shark man murmured, nodding at the wave he got, before raiding the fridge.

* * *

A set of peanut butter and jam sandwiches were made, and the large male sat at the table. Kisame blinked at Sasori, who was trying to talk behind a yawn.

"How is Itachi doing?" the redhead asked, covering his mouth with his hand. He was losing sleep because Deidara was having a hard time with the pregnancy, and that made him worried at times. Kakuzu finally had told them that the blond should just stay in bed for most of the time. That didn't help any.

"He's doing okay…" Kisame murmured, seeming cheerful about that fact. "He's been sick the past few mornings, and he was eating a few weird things today, but he seems fine. How's Dei?" he dug into his second sandwich.

"Sleeping." Sasori said, with partial relief. "He's been having weird dreams, and hasn't slept much the past few days." He gave a small smile as Kisame patted him on the shoulder.

"You look pretty beat, yourself. Maybe you should go nap, too, since that seems to be what a lot of people are up to, right now." The shark murmured, meaning not only Deidara, but the triplets. A sense of relief filled the room as Kakuzu wandered into the room, not unlike the relief he and Itachi had felt when returning from their mission. The stitched-nin sat at the table with them, yawning. Apparently, all the 'fathers', but Kisame, were feeling quite a bit of strain.

"Kids asleep?" Kisame asked, starting on his third sandwich. He chuckled when he got a nod. "I'll bring you the pay we got from our mission, later." Smirking lightly at the grunt he got in response, he worked on finishing his third, and starting on his fourth and final sandwich. "You guys should get some sleep- I think Leader-Sama had a meeting planned for later today." The shark stood, and offered a wave, before making his way back to the room. Itachi was in the shower, so he wouldn't get yelled at for finishing his brunch on the bed. Eventually, he mumbled a 'screw it', and went and joined the other in the shower.

* * *

After bidding goodbye to Kakuzu, Sasori trailed back to he and Deidara's room, yawning a few more times as he did so. Entering the room quietly, he shut the door behind him and wandered over to the bed where a sleeping blond with a rather swollen stomach lay curled up. The redhead smiled softly at one of the first peaceful looks the clay-master had since discovering the pregnancy, and almost didn't want to do anything for a bit so it would last. However, as a large yawn so thoughtfully reminded him, he was tired.

Carefully crawling onto the bed, Sasori made sure he was on the side farthest from the bathroom, in case Deidara needed to run to it at any given time. Curling up next to the other male, the redhead held his breath a bit as his partner shifted, but let it out as it was noted that he was snuggled up to. Smiling, he tugged the blankets closer to them both, before falling asleep.

The room of the artist duo was like that of Kisame and Itachi's, their used-to-be separate beds now pushed together for maximum comfort when curling up together. The difference between any given couples' rooms was that of the contents. Sasori and Deidara were artists, so remnants of their art hung around the room. Puppet parts and such took over what had probably been the redhead's side of the room, back when they weren't together. It mimic'd a workshop of sorts- however, the wood that was on a table didn't seem to be forming a puppet, but some sort of fence.

A bookshelf in the room held some dried clay figures Deidara had seemed to have picked up. It also had a large board leaning up against it, possibly for the artist to add any ingredients he needed to for his clay. There were a few bowls on the shelf itself full of powdered materials that he used for such a thing.

Finally, the marks of Deidara's weakness during the pregnancy, and Sasori's worry, hung closer to the bed. The floor donned unwashed dishes, and boxes of either salted, or sweet things, the blond tended to eat when getting hungry and not wanting to bother the puppeteer. As hard as it was on Sasori to try and make sure the blond was okay, it was hard on Deidara to feel so helpless and having to depend on the redhead for nearly everything.

For now, though, things were at peace between the two of them. The couple slept together on the bed, fingers laced together as they rested over a swollen area of Deidara's stomach, and an otherwise feel of ease and comfort around them.

* * *

Kakuzu would've been the last one to leave the kitchen, if Zetsu didn't appear just after Sasori left. He gave a grunt in hello, and ignored the sneer the black side of the plant-man gave him. After a few moments of nearly falling asleep at the table, he sighed and got up, ready to make his way back for a nap. He'd been tempted to just take over the couch, but with the arrival of the Oreo / Venus flytrap gone wrong made him rethink that.

"Leader-san wants you to report the findings of your mission during the meeting." "_**He states that the children are to come, as well.**_" Zetsu watched as the stitched-nin gave a wave of acknowledgement as he left the room.

So Leader wanted to see the triplets? That was a bit… weird. He wondered if the kids could behave long enough, and not annoy the Leader of the Akatsuki. Doubtful, but he was used to Hidan, so he was sure they could manage. Entering he, Hidan, and the triplets' room, he smiled to himself as he spotted the four curled up on the bed and asleep. It was almost a sickeningly sweet sight.

Knowing they were all tired and would fall back asleep when he was comfortable, he crawled onto the bed and shifted Kire and Kiro around so all three triplets were in the middle, with he and Hidan on each end. Kakuzu smiled and yawned a bit as a hand reached over and took his, the white-haired zealot having woken a little and smiled at the sight of his partner crawling into bed.

"Leader-Sama wants to see them." Kakuzu murmured quietly, his free hand supporting the heads of the two closest to him, while Hidan had the third cuddled close to him. He shut his eyes as his partner gave a nod to him, and buried his face into the hair of Kire, who happened to be closest. The small boy nestled closer to his father, leaving Kiro in the middle, but far from unloved. The couple rested their hands next to one of his, and held his together, so they were all comfortable for the nap.

Kakuzu soon fell asleep, leaving Hidan to watch him for a little while, before yawning and falling back asleep as well. Their room was as messy, or worse, than Sasori and Deidara's. There were things dangling from shelves, clothes strewn about, and some crayon markings on the walls in the shapes of severed heads and limbs. There was a playpen with random toys strewn outside of it, though, the coloring books had effectively remained inside its' boundaries.

Chaos was Hidan and Kakuzus' room, but it was comforting chaos, as it marked that there was a family living there- not just a duo that only stayed there in between missions. Any and every weapons that the couple owned were safely locked in Kakuzus' office, Hidans' pike having nearly chopped off a small hand sometime in the beginning of the triplets' lives. To the Zealot's delight, the hand healed back quickly, marking that at least one of the three had his abilities.

Even as the weapons were stored there, the chaos continued into Kakuzus' office. He was packing things up and preparing to move them. There was an empty room next to he and Hidans' that he was going to occupy with for his office. That extra room attached to theirs would effectively be used as a room for the triplets. They weren't all going to fit on the one, two-bed pushed together, bed forever. Eventually, the kids would want a room of their own, anyways. The hideout was big, so eventually they would get a bigger one, but for now, they would get Kakuzus' office.

As the most of the Akatsuki either napped, or showered, a comforting silence hung around the hideout, albeit a whistling tune that came from a room away from the bedrooms of the members. The Leader of the Akatsuki leaned back in his chair a bit, looking over files and such. He was in an oddly cheerful mood, even if the tune he whistled matched the mood of a funeral. He never understood it, himself, but the thought of the S-Ranked Missing-Nin Organization becoming even closer of a family pleased him.

Maybe it was because he could teach the brats, if he so dearly wanted to. Minions… yes. That was it. He could train them well, to follow his orders as well as their parents. Whatever he decided, though, it would have to wait until all of them were born. He was going to see the triplets with his own eyes the next day, so that might also take in account of his decision. Speaking of accounts, he would have to discuss with Kakuzu how much more funds they would need to keep filling the fridge to feed all the mouths, plus the extra three, in the hideout.

Whatever it may be, they would manage.

* * *

In the next chapter- the meeting will come after everyones relaxation times. The triplets meet the Leader of the Akatsuki for the first time. The decision may or may not be made as to whether he will take their training upon himself, or not. Many a fowl-word will be spoken, and more strange foods will be consumed.

Please, Review! And if you guys have any weird food ideas you think either Deidara or Itachi would like, please let me know!


	3. The Meeting

**Summery: **M-preg, crack-a-fic. Kisame discovers why Itachi seems to be gaining weight. The entirety of the Akatsuki learn to never leave any form of child with Hidan for any given point of time. Deidara understands why any woman would want to strangle her partner while during childbirth. Crack, and Yaoi.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters, save for my own OC's. And they're all out eating Ramen without me, right now. Shows how much they appreciate me! D:

**Whoop:** I love all the reviews I'm getting! Keep up the sweet comments, guys! I'll be updating less and less once school starts, but remember that the more reviews I get, the more I'm reminded, and the more I want to work on another chapter.

**Remember:** Don't knock your partner out when you're mad- especially if you can't get out of bed and into the bathroom without them.

* * *

Hidan woke to sets of hands poking and prodding at him. He tried rolling over and burying his head into the nearest pillow, but the hands wouldn't let him. And then he heard giggling, and he smiled. Within the next few minutes, he managed to catch all three of the triplets and tickle them into begging for mercy. Of course, in the only way they knew how.

"Stop fucking tickling me!!"

"Dad said tickling us too much will give us fucking brain damage!"

"It fucking hurts to laugh!"

Hidan smiled even more as he let the triplets stop to breath. They had decent vocabularies, swearing aside. He turned his head as he heard Kakuzu come in, and smiled as the other male set a hand on his shoulder. "Do we have to head to the meeting soon?" the Jashinist asked, snagging one of the kids by the feet, and grinning as he picked them up and blew a razzberry into their stomach, causing them to laugh more. The other two tried making an escape, but Kakuzu's black threads held them in place.

"Yeah, but we've got a few minutes. Do you want to tell them about Leader, or should I?" he asked, raising his eyebrow as he got even the kids' attention.

"You tell them- you're 'Storytime Fucker', remember?" Hidan smiled and relinquished hold of the child he had in his hands over to his boyfriend, before getting out of bed. "I'm going to go take a fucking piss, and then I'll be ready." He gave the other male a kiss, before disappearing into the bathroom.

Kakuzu returned the kiss, and watched Hidan disappear to relieve himself, before returning his attention to the kids. They'd heard about the infamous leader of the Akatsuki, but they didn't know that they were going to meet him that very day. With a bit of a sigh, he began tidying up their clothing, which were black shirts and matching pairs of shorts. Hey, when black was most of your daily wardrobe, _anyways…_

"What did Daddy-Bitch mean about that Leader guy?" Kire asked, using the triplets' main name for Hidan. The Jashinist was Daddy-Bitch, and he himself was Daddy-Fucker. It was at least easier then the kids just calling them both 'Daddy'. And Hidan wouldn't have anything to do with them calling him 'Mommy', even though, technically, he was.

"Yeah! Isn't he that big scary boss guy you and Daddy-Bitch has to turn mission stuff in to?" Kiro added, arms expanding to show how big he thought Leader would be.

"He isn't that big! Is he, Daddy-Fucker?" Kira asked, looking to Kakuzu. Finally, the triplets allowed their father to explain.

"Well, you're going to meet him today." He raised his eyebrows as each triplet gave different emotions in turn. Awestruck, a Gasp, and even a look of Mischievousness. The stitched-nin sighed and smoothed back their black spiky hair one by one. "You three need to be on your best behavior. Remember- this guy will eat you for a snack, if he wanted to!" He smiled lightly as the boys squeeled at the thought.

"Hey, since I can re-… reg-… regenterationz like Daddy-Bitch, would I still be alive when he ate me?" Kira asked, and he beamed as his father laughed.

"I don't know… I don't think Daddy-Bitch has ever been eaten, either, so I don't think we could ask him." Kakuzu mused lightly at using Hidan's nickname. Well, Hidan definitely hadn't been eaten in the way we was talking to the kids about…

"Cool!" All three coo'd to each other, and then went and tackled Hidan as he left the bathroom. "Daddy-Bitch! We're going to meet Leader-Fucker!" the trio chimed, and grinned as the Zealot laughed.

"You three can't call him that, or remember what I told you!" Kakuzu said, and laughed a bit as they gave an 'Okay!', and proceeded to continue what they were doing, and attempt to tickle Hidan.

Eventually, the family rounded up. The triplets were kept in line by Kakuzu's threads as both parents donned their Akatsuki cloaks. Nods were given to fellow members, as Hidan grinned and swore in his happiness as they headed to the Leader of the Akatsuki's office.

* * *

Sasori had made sure Deidara had everything he needed before heading out for the meeting. They'd already been assured that the blond could remain in bed, and the redhead would just relay messages. Feeling a bit more rested, the puppeteer stepped out of their room in his cloak, only to step back as Hidan, Kakuzu and co. walked past. He took a deep breath, and really hoped Deidara wouldn't have triplets. He would love them, regardless, but… still.

Three might be a little too much.

Musing on those thoughts, Sasori soon trailed off behind the cheerfully swearing family, and almost didn't notice Itachi and Kisame joining him in the tag-along party. Kisame had an arm tucked around Itachi's waist, and the Uchiha leaned appreciatively against his partner. When giving a look of questioning, Kisame explained that the raven-haired male had gotten a bit sick again after their shower. The redhead nodded knowingly.

Sighing, Sasori received a comforting pat on the shoulder as he looked behind him in the direction of his room. He hoped Deidara was going to be okay while he was gone. The blond was looking tired enough to fall asleep again, and the redhead hoped he would. The more rest, the better. Admit that appearing almost like some bloated whale hindered chances of doing anything else BUT rest…

The puppeteer shook his head at that thought. He would've gotten hit if he was with that particular bloated whale, and had voiced it aloud.

Kisame and Itachi followed the stitched and swearing family, as well as Sasori, into the Leader's office. They took their usual spots in the room, and watched the Leader examine the triplets, who were staring at him with wide eyes. Zetsu had already been there, muttering to himself, but now his attention was on the kids. Nudging Itachi's side lightly, Kisame pointed out the plant man.

"Note to self- don't ever leave any kids alone and in the presence of Zetsu." The shark man smiled to his partner, who also smiled slightly. Indeed, the multi-colored man was giving the children both hungry, and annoyed looks.

* * *

Finally, the meeting started. First, it was Kakuzu giving the report of the mission, and making note to say he'd already calculated out the money from it. Next, it was Sasori being told to come forward and discuss his partners' health. And then Kisame and Itachi came forwards to show Itachi's own health, as well as reporting from their mission as well. It wasn't until towards the end of the meeting, after Kisame led Itachi back to their spot in the room, that Leader called for Kakuzu to bring the kids forwards.

Itachi mused that the triplets were looking cautiously excited as their father walked them closer to the Leader of the Akatsuki. When they got close, they all stopped and a silence hung over the room. It was the Leader himself that broke it.

"So these are the triplets." The shadowed man stated, sharp gaze moving between all three. "Have they traits of their parents?" the eyes turned to Kakuzu.

"Kira has Hidan's. We don't know about the other two, yet." Kakuzu replied, knowing what 'traits' the Leader had been talking about. "If they have mine, they won't develop it until later." He nudged Kira forwards to show which one had the ability to heal himself quickly. The small boy's jaw dropped lightly at being pushed ahead of his brothers, but he was to preoccupied at staring at the Leader to protest. The oddly-eyed man seemed pleased.

"Good. Notify me when you start seeing the signs, Kakuzu." Leader said, observing Kira apart from his brothers for a few moments. Suddenly, it seemed like it had been too quiet for too long.

"Daddy-Fucker, is this guy really the Leader-Fucker you were talking about?" Kire asked, looking up to his father. Kira stepped back again to giggle with Kiro. "He doesn't seem like the Leader-Fucker you and Daddy-Bitch were talking about!"

Kakuzu sighed and rested a hand over his eyes. He could hear Hidan laughing a little behind him, and could only think, '_Mature, honey._' Removing his hand from his eyes, he looked to Leader to see if he was angry or not. To his surprise, the shadowed man didn't seem to be, but it was also hard to determine since nobody could see his face. "Yes, Kire. This is Leader-sama." He stated to his son, in which all three triplets were laughing now.

"I don't see what's funny, but they've picked up quite a vocabulary." Leader complimented airily, and the trio stopped laughing. "Remember, Kakuzu. Please let me know when you notice any development. Oh, and I will be partnering you up with Kisame for missions while Itachi is in this state. Hidan and Sasori will remain at the hideout with Deidara and Itachi to keep an eye on things. That is all." He watched while the members of the Akatsuki filed out of the room, a hidden smirk on his lips.

* * *

"Kisame, Sasori." Kisame paused with Itachi, while Sasori turned around to look at who addressed them. "I will be doing checkups on both Itachi and Deidara within the hour." Kakuzu murmured as he lightly tugged back on his threads so the trio attached to them would stop pulling.

"Alright. We will be in our room." Itachi responded, and then nudged Kisame to get the shark-man to start walking again. The continued returning to their room, still comfortably tucked together with the Uchiha leaning on his partner.

Sasori nodded, and then frowned a little. "Does he have to be awake?" The redhead asked, and then let out a breath as Kakuzu shook his head.

"I can do it quickly with him not even having to wake. I am just checking overall health, and making sure the child is well, also." Kakuzu replied, letting go of the kids as Hidan said he was going to take them to the kitchen for a snack. All three crowded around the Jashinist easily, and it was almost funny to watch them walk together like that. "If you want, even, we can wait until he is asleep before I do the checkup.

Sasori nodded a little. "I'll go see how he is now. If he's awake, I'll ask him which one he prefers. Thanks, Kakuzu-san." The puppeteer soon bobbed off to check on his partner, leaving the stitched-nin to trail after his family.

* * *

Poking his head into the room, Sasori noted that Deidara was awake and sitting up in bed. He blinked, and then carefully made his way over. "How are you feeling?" the puppeteer asked softly, and smiled lightly in return as he was grinned at.

"A lot better, un!" Deidara said cheerfully, tugging his shirt down before scratching at his head lightly. "How was the meeting, hmm?"

Sasori relayed information, and such. Leader had discussed about money with Kakuzu, and so the puppeteer spoke of that, and then the partnering thing with Kakuzu and Kisame. "Oh, and Kakuzu-san would like to do a check-up on you and the baby." The redhead brought up. "He wanted to know if we should do it while you were asleep, or to just let him come and do it sometime soon, today."

Deidara listened to the other male talk about what were the latest topics in the Akatsuki, and then blinked as a check-up was brought up. He thought for a moment, and then yawned. "Anytime is fine by me, hmm. I want to clean up the room, first, though, un." He began getting up, and then wandered around the room a little, picking up the things he could reach.

Sasori made a noise, and began following the blond around, trying to get him to go lay back down again. "I'll clean the room up! You go rest. Remember what Kakuzu-san said in the letter. You need to stay in bed." He sighed at the downcast look the blond was giving him, and carefully took the dishes the other male had collected from him. He then leaned up and gave the other male a gentle kiss, before bobbing around to clean. "Go on- I'll be back and fourth while I take things to the kitchen. Once I get the dishwasher working, I'll work on the trash, and get it all done before Kakuzu-san comes."

Deidara pouted a little more, but did as told. He sat on the bed with a hand on his stomach, watching bemusedly as the puppeteer used one of his puppets to help him collect dishes and carry them. The duo, puppet and master, soon disappeared out of the room for a bit, before returning with a plastic bag. Things were tidied by Sasori, while the puppet picked up trash, the redhead managing things by continuously glancing over and moving the puppet accordingly.

Eventually, the room was clean, and Sasori sat on the bed with a sigh. "There. Now we just wait for a bit." He murmured softly.

* * *

I really think Hidan doesn't swear enough! xD So, I'm going to work on that. And, I managed to get our dear Deidara into this one, more then just sleeping and snuggling. And, he wants to clean, to boot! I'm sure you're all wondering how he's faring not being able to blow things up. I promise to put more of him in the chapters to come.

Review, puh-leaze! I love reading your comments!


	4. Examination

**Summery: **M-preg, crack-a-fic. Kisame discovers why Itachi seems to be gaining weight. The entirety of the Akatsuki learn to never leave any form of child with Hidan for any given point of time. Deidara understands why any woman would want to strangle her partner while during childbirth. Crack, and Yaoi.

**Disclaimer:** I have been attacked by my own characters! They prod at me with dango sticks while complaining that I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters from it! What am I supposed to do? Send help soon!

**Whoop:** As I said, things are getting a little bit stretched out, time-wise. My muse sort of got lost when school started up, but hopefully I'll find him soon. Here's a chapter on the check-ups, while I'm at it.

Note: There will be a timeskip soon, or a timeskip chapter, where things jump around a bit, getting ready for the next batch of Akatsuki kids' births. At the comment left about teen years, I am considering the idea of doing a separate fanfic about the Akatsuki Jrs. It would definitely be interesting.

**Remember:** Don't follow your nose, especially when you've got allergies. You might run into walls.

* * *

Kisame got up and wandered to the door when he heard a knock, glancing at his partner while he did. The Uchiha was munching pleasantly on a package of gummy worms, and some pickled daikon. The blue-skinned male scrunched up his nose a little, shaking his head as he returned to the task at hand. Opening the door, he peered out and grinned at Kakuzu. "He just got a snack, so it's not me if it smells funny in here." He said as he opened the door.

Indeed, the raddish from Itachi's 'snack' made the room smell different then usual. It was nothing unbearable, however. The room had been organized a little bit, and there was a bag resting on a bed, in which Kisame handed the stitched-nin. "The payment for our mission." He said, and then cleared his throat a little and bobbed over to his partners' side while the Uchiha stood. He backed up as the pale man shook his head.

"I'm pregnant, not made of porcelain, 'Same." Itachi stated with amusement in his voice. He wandered over to the bed and sat down, watching as the kiri-nin stood nearby. The blue-man had become more protective of his partner, aiding in things he knew the Uchiha could do himself. The sharingan-weilder often mused on it, but wasn't entirely too worried about it. He would probably need it, later in months to come.

"If you two are ready…" Kakuzu asked lightly, having set the bag of money aside after peeking in and counting the amount mentally. He nodded to himself as Itachi nodded. Pulling out a pad of paper, he wrote things down as he observed, and checked, on Itachi and the unborn child.

"I'm guessing yes on interesting cravings." Kakuzu's voice was lightly humored as Kisame grinned a bit, nodding. "How often do you get sick?"

Itachi seemed to think on that question for a few moments. "Usually within the morning time. It only started a few weeks ago, though." He murmured. "I've been more tired, lately, and have been noticing a few…. Things." He murmured, a small smirk to himself at that.

"Things? Like senses, or details?" Kakuzu asked. Hidan had complained that the room they'd been staying in reeked to high-hell and demanded it to be cleaned. After the triplets were born, he didn't seem to mind as much.

"Smells… flavors…" Itachi listed off quietly, Kisame resting a light hand on his shoulder.

"That is normal." Kakuzu said, nodding and noting down. Hidans pregnancy had been the only male-pregnancy he'd ever heard of, but it handled pretty much like a females. Still, hearing about the other members' own pregnancies, he opted to make sure he got as much information on it as possible. "Pains? Discomforts?"

"Not many. My back starts to ache, but nothing much." Itachi replied calmly. He watched as the stitched-nin wrote things down and take notes.

"Alright. I'll need you to lay down for a little while." Kakuzu nodded to Kisame, who helped and relatively kept out of the way. While the Uchiha lay on his back, he gently rested his hand on an exposed stomach, felt around a little, and nodded. "It will be another few weeks, to a month, before it begins moving." He cautioned. "That is when Hidan had the most trouble with pains." He stepped back while Itachi sat up again. "Please notify me if you need anything."

Kisame and Itachi both nodded, before watching Kakuzu grab the money sack and walk back out into the hallway. Both felt pretty well after the examination, having been slightly nervous. Well, at least Kisame had been. He hadn't known if the current reactions were alright, or if the sickness was normal, or even anything else the stitched-nin had filled in for them. After a quick kiss, the two of them decided to head out for a walk, a little restless after quite a bit of relaxation.

* * *

The next door Kakuzu knocked on, after turning in the bag filled with coins to where his office was being moved, was Sasori and Deidara's room. He vaguely heard the two males inside talking quietly to each-other, before the conversation stopped when he knocked. After a few moments, the sound of feet approached, and he was let in by Sasori, who gave him a small smile and a nod of his head. "He's awake, but is fine with it." The puppeteer informed him, and let him into the room.

Deidara was sitting up in bed, propped up by some pillows, now, and smiled at Kakuzu when he came in. "Hey, 'Kuzu, un!" The blond said cheerfully, his partner coming back over to sit next to him. "I decided to remain awake, so I knew what the results were as soon as possible, hmm." He still looked a bit tired, but he was obviously as energetic as the non-pregnant Dei would be.

"Right. Makes sense." Kakuzu murmured. He glanced around the room, before clicking the pen he'd been using earlier, and wrote Deidara's information under the line he drew right below Itachi's._'Interesting food interests, sharper smells, and the want to clean…'_ he wrote, and then asked for the blond to lay back, like he did the Uchiha.

Kakuzu gently rested his hands on Deidara's swollen stomach, as he noted it was larger then Itachi's. "When do you two think it happened?" he asked, looking up to Sasori, who's face reddened lightly in a blush. The claymaster's did the same thing, and it was a few moments of them thinking about it.

"Uhm… Probably around the same time Itachi and 'Same's, un…" Dei mumbled sheepishly. "You see, we were all at the hideout, and had nothing to do… So someone decided we'd play cards, Hmm… And then someone pulled out booze, un." The blond looked away, blushing even more as he could figure that Kakuzu might be able to fill in the details afterwards.

Sasori, too, thought back to the event. They had all gotten drunk, and he wasn't entirely sure that there was just booze within the bottle they all shared. Come to think of it, he didn't really remember much of that evening, which was an odd effect. He usually remembered things pretty vividly after drinking. They had all gotten drunk, and then of course after the card game ended in pretty much people tossing their cards up into the air, they retired to their rooms.

Too much alcohol and close-quarters with beds led up to some things. He knew it was the same for Kisame and Itachi, because, the next morning, the pair had slept in. At least Itachi would almost always wake in time for a decently-timed breakfast, and then would go and prod at the shark-man an hour or so later. Both couples had slept in until around lunch time, the next day. And none of them had gotten hangovers.

Kakuzu watched the other two Akatsuki members blush and think back to what had happened, before shaking his head lightly and giving off a sigh. "Well, you aren't as large as Hidan had been, but you aren't around the size Itachi is. I suspect twins." He said as he let the blond sit up again. "Keep off your feet, and keep resting. I'll be telling Itachi that when he gets further in, so don't feel disheartened about it."

After small goodbyes, Kakuzu made his way out of the Artists' room, and headed to his own, where he could head Hidan talking to the triplets. He peeked in and watched for a few moments, before he was caught and was dragged in. They spent the afternoon playing 'Zombie Attack' where 'Daddy Fucker' was always it, because he had the most stitches. Hidan had protested that those stitches were always there, and that he would make the best Zombie, but the triplets wanted him to be on the human side while they ran away from the Zombie.

The rest of the evening ended with a nice dinner, where everyone came out (even Dei, who wound up using Sasori as a runner to get him what he wanted to eat and drink). Zetsu was the only one not present, as well as the usual Leader, and the only female of the Akatsuki that was almost never seen. The topic of the dinner table was well-being, children, and Kisame and Kakuzu's upcoming partnership for missions.

After dinner, the triplets were put to bed, and the adults stayed up into the night discussing more things. Eventually, Deidara went to bed, and other followed his example. They all slipped into sleep comfortably, and the hideout of the Akatsuki was quiet once again.

* * *

Daikon- a type of raddish. They put it in sushi, at times, and my mum likes eating it plain. Always makes my nose turn up a little at the smell.

To answer questions- Yeah, Konan'll be showing up. It won't be very soon, but I'll try to get her in within the next five chapters, alright? I plan on putting her in around the time the babes are born, and I'll be doing a timeskip to then at some point in time, so... Yeah. She'll be coming in.

Hidan and Kakuzu had went away for a few years to deal with the pregnancy and birth of the triplets. However, when Itachi and Deidara noted their own pregnancies, letters were sent back and fourth, ect, until the couple returned, which is around the end of the first chapter.

Anyways- Please review! You know how much I love it when you do! If you guys want to see the story head in any particular direction, let me know, and I'll see if I can't add that in with my own ideas.


	5. New Noises

**Summery: **M-preg, crack-a-fic. Kisame discovers why Itachi seems to be gaining weight. The entirety of the Akatsuki learn to never leave any form of child with Hidan for any given point of time. Deidara understands why any woman would want to strangle her partner while during childbirth. Crack, and Yaoi.

**Disclaimer:** I think I can understand how someone feels when they're stuck in some empty room with nothing but clothes, a jacket, and padded walls…

Wait. I forgot. I'm only suffering from a missing muse… not insanity. Maybe.

**Whoop:** I'm freakin' out that this has become so much more popular then Anything I have created. And the fact that I've gotten away with it with an m-preg fic.

Life is definitely interesting.

Anyways, sorry it's been a while, guys. Haven't found my muse, yet, so this will be our time-skip chapter. I promise things will start coming out a little more freely after this- there will be a lot more characters to move around and develop… 8D

**Remember:** Your stomach making more noise then that Godzilla movie you're watching just means that you're monstrously hungry.

* * *

Through the months of pregnancy, Kisame and Kakuzu worked together in a few missions. Sometimes, Kisame would return to Itachi looking glad to be done with it all for the time being, and other times he was that, and oddly avoided Kakuzu a few days after. Needless to say, both males were always glad to be back at the hideout, and back in the company of their partners. If ever a question why the partners had matched up in relationships like they did, it was possibly because they couldn't stand much of anyone else during long periods of time being holed up in one room for a mission.

Also during the months of missions and travel, it was noted the enlargement of two particular males' stomachs. Itachi was waddling the last time Kisame had seen him, and they only rarely saw a few hairs of Sasori because he was so busy with Deidara. People went in and out frequently, and even Zetsu was sent out on a few solo missions to help keep the money stocks up, as Kakuzu grumbled about it as frequently as he could when he wasn't busy. And every so often, the only female member of the Akatsuki would leave the hideout in the cover of darkness, and the next day the fridge and cabinets were found to be remarkably re-stocked.

Of course Kakuzu always noticed, though, as that was when a sum of the money the organization had disappeared.

It was while returning home from a particularly taxing mission that the atmosphere near the hideout was different. Zetsu was standing outside the doorway into their home, looking miffed and annoyed about something. He gave them dirty looks as they walked past him and into the deep cave, too tired to ask questions. And then the tension grew as they walked further into the quarters. Kakuzu increased his pace, while Kisame yawned and wondered what was going on.

Kisame followed his part-time partner into the living room area, and they heard voices coming from the hallway. Both voices were recognizable, and both were very annoyed at each other.

"For Jashin's sake! Stop yelling my fucking ear off! They were supposed to get back today! I can't make them get back any faster!" Hidan's whining, angry, tone echoed in the hall.

"Then SEND SOMEONE to get them! There's NO WAY IN HELL I'm doing this without either of them!" Itachi's voice was heard, and by the sounds of it, he was livid, and also in some sort of pain.

Both Kakuzu and Kisame ran down the rest of the way into Kisame and Itachi's room, where Itachi was laying back on the bed, looking like he could kill the next thing he set his eyes on, and Hidan was standing over him, severely annoyed. The shark-nin noted that his partner looked fatigued, in pain, and he was sweating.

"Itachi…" Kisame had paused to think at the possibility of what might be happening, as Kakuzu rushed forward and dropped his bag and coat beside the bed. The blue-skinned male saw his partner give him a heavy glare, and then the Uchiha seemed to relax. That was the shark-nin's cue to go and sit on the other side of him, and he did so, letting Kakuzu attend to whatever he needed to. Itachi was in labor, and Hidan seemed to be a natural in getting the things Kakuzu needed for the delivery.

* * *

The atmosphere of the hideout relaxed, and weariness seemed to hang upon everyone. Kakuzu and Hidan were both sitting on the floor and resting, while Kisame remained beside the sleeping Itachi, a bundle in his arms that was also asleep. Kisame himself actually seemed to be the only one awake, as a thumb stroked the hand his own held. A grand smile was on his lips, though his eyes were droopy with fatigue. His other hand, the one helping support the tiny sleeping body, looked a little sore. Indeed, Itachi had great strength.

Even sleepy, and a little loopy from the experience he'd just gone through, Kisame looked at the body in the soft blanket tucked in his arm. Soft skin was visible, and a few small locks of baby-fine black hair rested against the childs' head. The baby, maybe a foot and a half long, had pale blue skin, somewhere looking like someone dumped a bucket of transparent white paint on Kisame himself.

"Matsuba…" Kisame mumbled softly, and smiled still as he heard his partner rouse beside him. He squeezed the other males' hand gently, and got a soft response. The Uchiha's eyes drifted lightly open, and the shark-nin's partner smiled slightly at the grin he was getting.

"How is he?" Itachi asked softly, still rather tired, but wanting to deal with Kisame, and their son, first before going back to sleep.

"Sleeping, right now. Kakuzu said that all three of the triplets had kept them up all night, so we're lucky." Kisame yawned softly, shifted a little, and then settled again. "He's one handsome little one…" he murmured, and smiled at the larger smile he got. Carefully, he leaned over and got a kiss, and then carefully shifted out of bed. Always keeping an eye on both Itachi, and Matsuba, he went and put the sleeping babe in the makeshift cradle they had for him. He then stretched, yawning once again.

Watching Kisame go and wake Kakuzu, Itachi chuckled slightly as Hidan noted that he would let the stitched-nin sleep, if he were the shark-man, so not to lose anything important to living. The blue-skinned man grinned and nodded, slowly backing away. The white-haired zealot soon got up to keep an eye on the sleeping baby so that Kisame could get some shut-eye, as well.

* * *

The triplets had been left to be looked after by Deidara and Sasori, but were secretly 'kidnapped' by an amused Pein and his female accomplice. They had been red to, and taught who to respect, and then fed and put to bed, as it was night time by then. As soon as Kakuzu got some shut-eye, he and Hidan retired to their own room after collecting the triplets, and really got to sleep. Everything had been cleaned up pretty well, and young Matsuba would be able to warn his parents when he needed anything.

Little did anyone know, sleep was meant to be taken in shifts within the next week. Deidara went into labor only two days after Itachi, and a pair of twins were born. Hakusa and her brother Ishikoro were born with green eyes, and Hakusa had red hair, and Ishikoro was blond. They were a rather disruptive duo, keeping Sasori on his toes while Deidara recovered. Help moved around in the forms of Kakuzu and Hidan, while the triplets were taken care of by the Akatsuki's leader. Of course, both parents were hardly comfortable with that, and the triplets didn't like his dark lair, so Konan was made the exception, and even though nobody but the leader really knew her, the triplets seemed to be comfortable enough around her.

Within the next few weeks, nerves ran low, hair was pulled out, and a mass amount of poo, spit, and vomit was cleaned up. Deidara was allowed out of bed again after the first week and a half, and he seemed more then happy to help his partner feed the hungry twins, while Kisame took care of Itachi and little Matsuba. The Uchiha had recovered, though the shark-man still kept an eye on him at most times.

* * *

An evening a full two weeks after the twins' birth, Sasori smiled as he watched Deidara asleep in bed with small, red-headed Hakusa. Ishikoro gurgled softly in his arms, the babe still working on getting to the 'tired' part, and the puppeteer was a little glad that he was used to staying up late, by now. He calmly walked back and fourth within the chaos of their room, the small wooden playpen he'd made taking up the center, with pillows and assorted plush toys contained inside. He carefully bent down and picked up a binkie from inside, and made soft noises as he pushed it to Ishikoro's lips, and into his sons' mouth so he wouldn't suck on his tiny thumb.

After a little while longer of quiet pacing, Sasori smiled sleepily as Ishikoro began dozing against his shoulder. He carefully wandered over and flipped off the lightly, and paused to let his eyes adjust. When they did, he wandered over to the bed and carefully nestled his son next to his daughter and partner, while he crawled into bed beside them. Forming a cradle around their children, the two Akatsuki-nin rested comfortably with their family on the bed, brown orbs observing a sleeping blond before closing, and allowing their owner rest, as well.

The kin of the Akatsuki were born, and the world could only wonder what they might hold within their grasp of the reputation of their parents, and the inheritance of what made them great.

* * *

Matsuba Pine needle

I thought it to be an interesting name, coming from parents like Kisame and Itachi. It would definitely be interesting, perhaps described like 'the only pine needle in a haystack', ect.

Hakusa White sand

Sasori's from Suna, and Hakusa's got his hair. It seemed fitting, and white is used to symbolized something more pure. Heck, with a past like Sasori's, I'd want my children to be purer then me.

Ishikoro Stone;Rock;Pebble

Ishikoro has Deidara's hair, and since he's the boy, he's got the stronger, more masculine kind of name. It was also 'cause Dei's from the village of Iwa (Rock)

Anyways, I'm not big on the whole 'birth' scenes, and such, so I kind of skipped entirely over Sasori and Deidara's. Konan's in, now, and even Pein did his part In the whole of it all… I'd be afraid to leave my children in either of their care, though xD

Please, review! I'm happy that I'm getting so many e-mails marking that people enjoy this. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. If you have any comments, please give them!


	6. Mommy's Days off Day 1

Summery: M-preg, crack-a-fic

**Summery: **M-preg, crack-a-fic. Kisame discovers why Itachi seems to be gaining weight. The entirety of the Akatsuki learn to never leave any form of child with Hidan for any given point of time. Deidara understands why any woman would want to strangle her partner while during childbirth. Crack, and Yaoi.

**Disclaimer: **It has come to my attention that I do not own Naruto… I'll get back to you when I do ;

**Whoop:** Holy cow! We've got fanart! A writers' best compliment is when someone draws their story (really, reading and commenting is awesome, but art is wonderful, too!)

CrypticButterfly drew us little Matsuba! So adorable! oogles

wwwdotfanart-centraldotnet/pic-673473dothtml

This chapter is for giggles and 'aww's. You'll get to see how the 'fathers' interact with their children, and how the children interact back. Sorry that it took so long to get up! ;

**Remember:** Weasel.

* * *

There comes a time when parents need a break. Mothers need time to rest and relax, and fathers need time to be men. Needless to say, the Mothers get their breaks first, with the comebacks of 'I gave birth to our child!' And this was what got Kakuzu, Kisame, and Sasori into staying at the hideout, while Hidan, Itachi and Deidara went on a vaca- mission. Yes, a mission. A mission that would last a week, where the trio had full access to hot springs, and other various luxuries.

It was just after the twins and Matsuba turned eight months old, when Hidan declared that all of the 'birthees' needed a break. He managed to convince Leader, under threat of leaving the children with him while ALL of the Akatsuki went on the 'mission', to let the mothers go and relax. And then he told Deidara and Itachi to pack and be ready to leave within the next week. He, himself, was packed before the next week even started. Once the day they were supposed to leave came, he made sure the other two had their things, before leading them off.

The triplets chorused a goodbye. Matsuba, Hakusa, and Ishikoro gurgled. Sasori, Kisame, and Kakuzu looked a little less then pleased, but they waved and gave smiles nonetheless. Once the group was out of sight, they sighed and slumped where they stood, until Ishikoro tweaked Kakuzu's nose through his mask, and then they headed inside, Sasori griping about not letting the twins play with the triplets because of abusive behavior and fowl vocabulary.

* * *

Kisame carried Matsuba into the hideout, and then back into their and Itachi's room. Even at eight months, the babe was showing definite signs of being their parents' child. Coal black eyes, slits along his cheeks as gills like Kisame, and the pale but blue skin he'd been born with. His black hair lay in light shag about his head, now, and Itachi said that it would get straighter the older he got. The child, at the moment, was sucking on his fist and looking around while his father carried him around.

"What are we going to do while Itachi is away?" Kisame asked, to himself and to his son. Matsuba looked to him and blinked, before grinning a grin that held only a few teeth, and making noises while drool dribbled his chin. "Da-Da!" came an excited exclamation, and the shark-nin couldn't help but smirk.

"That's right! You're going to be stuck with me until Mama gets back." He cooed, before raising Matsuba's top and blowing razzberries into the baby's belly. They both laughed, even as Kisame plopped down onto the bed, sitting Matsuba up on his stomach. He watched his son watch him and gurgle in the process, and he continued smiling happily. "Well… We can teach you more words. Can you say Ma-ma?"

Matsuba looked at Kisame curiously, and then started sucking on his fist again, making noises when his father removed it out of his grasp. "Ma-Ma." The shark-nin repeated, drawing it out and trying to show the child how to pronounce it. After a few minutes, he sighed and shrugged. "We'll try again some other time." He promised, and the baby giggled and squeeled, as if it sounded fun.

After getting Matsuba to teeth on a teething ring, instead of drooling all over his hands, Kisame let the babe watch him from the bed as he cleaned up the room a bit, trying to busy himself. Usually, he was with Itachi and making sure the Uchiha and Matsuba were happy, but now it was just Matsuba, and the babe wasn't very expressive of his wants and needs. Well, he was, but in a very different way.

Like, when he began making distressing noises, he either had a dirty diaper, or he was hungry. Often, the hungry distressing noises included small squeals. When he was tired, he yawned often and mumbled small 'na na's which Itachi had figured out that he was trying to say 'night night' mixed in with 'nap'. It worked. And when the child was angry, he'd pitch a fit, biting anyone who dared stick their hands near him. Having a total of three teeth helped that out a lot.

At this time, however, Matsuba was intrigued by his father picking things up and putting them away. He sat by his parents' pillows, propped up by them and the backboard of the bed, and watched. Every so often he'd squeal and hit the pillows with his small hands, giggling. Kisame decided that the child thought it entertaining, and he smiled while he worked, every so often sending silly looks to his son and sending him into giggle fits again.

When the room was in as clean of a state that Kisame could get, he sat on the bed and sighed. He blinked over to Matsuba, who imitated him, before giggling around the teething ring he was chewing on again. "Come here, you!" the shark-nin laughed, swiping up his child and swinging him around lightly. Matsuba continued to giggle, and then stared up at Kisame when the man stopped.

Something was smelly, now, and Kisame sighed. "Matsuba- did you make a stinky?" he asked the child, who only grinned in response. With a small groan, the parent went over to where the diapers were kept on a table, and did the task of changing the babes' diaper. Needless to say, he wished he had a gas mask.

* * *

Sasori sighed as he put Ishikoro and Hakusa in their playpen. The twins were quiet as they watched him for a moment, as he stared down at them, before they seemed to babble to each other, bits of word-sounding-gibberish mixed in. Matsuba was learning vocabulary, but the twins seemed to have picked it up a little faster. They probably communicated to figure things out on what he and Deidara said, the suna-nin had decided. Once the twins were entertained chewing on things and talking to each other, the redhead looked around the room.

Although clean, their room was in an obvious state of use. Things were on bookshelves, but not always in the right order, or straightened. The bed had a made, but rumpled, look to it. Sasori's work area was the more unused area, having been only used when the puppeteer carved toys for the twins, or when he made their playpen. A hush fell across the room, and Sasori glanced down at the twins, who looked to him. He hadn't realized he'd been standing there for any particular time, looking almost blankly about, and the twins were giving him a look as if he were intruding on their conversation.

"Well, excuse me." Sasori muttered and went over to sit on the bed. The baby babble started up again, and the redhead sighed. It figured that the twins would favor Deidara over himself… the blond was always talking to them, babbling to them, and Sasori only helped feed them, helped change diapers, and other things of the sort. As the puppeteer watched his children, he couldn't help but feel excluded. To feel a little better, and to remind himself that he was the adult, he wandered over to his workshop area.

Looking at things he'd set aside to prepare for the twins' arrival, and to make their things, Sasori sighed to himself and set down to re-start the carving of a puppet he'd been working on before Dei's noticeable pregnancy. He got to work, making a face at how rusty he seemed on getting it as smooth as he wanted. He worked until the room was silent again, and then there was a bit of a 'Da Da' calling for him.

The redhead looked over to the playpen where two sets of green orbs stared at him. With a sigh, Sasori put his work back down and went over. A smell rose up, and he sighed. "Can't you two potty-train yourselves, or something?" the puppeteer mumbled, reaching down to pick up one of the two to change the diaper and switch. While Ishikoro in his arms was quiet, Hakusa made an uproar. The redhead tried switching the two. Hakusa in his arms was quiet, and Ishikoro was making an uproar.

Carefully juggling the twins, Sasori finally made his way over to the bed. He carefully set the two down and went and got the necessary things to change their diapers. He went to start on one, and yet again, the other got upset at him. Trying a few different things, like toys for distractions, and such, the redhead came to no luck. He wound up sitting next to them and gazing around the room. And then an idea came to mind.

If anyone were to look in on the puppeteer and the twins, they would see a large puppet with four arms changing the diapers on each twin at the same time, with a relieved but slightly annoyed and amused Sasori looking over the process and moving his fingers accordingly to what he needed done.

* * *

Kakuzu, unlike Sasori and Kisame, was used to diaper-changing, child-babble, and annoying moments. Of course, the triplets were older, as well, and could fully express what they wanted, how they wanted it, and when they wanted it in a wide vocabulary range. For the time being, though, they were entertained with the television, Kire sitting next to his father on the couch, while Kira and Kiro sat on the floor and chattered.

Kire was tired, and Kakuzu sympathized on why. The poor child was having nightmares about being different from his brothers (something to do with pink and blue rabbits controlled by Kira and Kiro), as Kiro'd been marked with the same bloodline as Kira and Hidan. No such sign, yet, was shown to Kire. Of course, Hidan had insisted that they just needed to let him play with something sharp, and problem solved, but Kakuzu didn't like that thought.

The conversation went like this: "Yeah, and what if he stabs an eye out, and he isn't like you?" "Well, then he'll be like you, and it can stitch over." "Hidan, you really are an ass, you know that?" "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" "Quiet, you three!" Needless to say, Kakuzu won, the triplets didn't get to see a fight, and Kire remained more appreciative of being with 'Daddy-Fucker'.

Kakuzu tucked the blanket around Kire a bit more as the boy slept, and he began channel-surfing, as Kira and Kiro'd switched to their coloring books, which each three appreciated immensely. Especially any ones that included battle scenes within their pages. Their parents had a feeling that they'd be very eager to learn how to become great shinobi when they were old enough.

Yawning slightly, Kire shifted and began waking up, and then it was time for the triplets to decide that they were hungry. Once the sleepy woke up more, the trio raced their father to the kitchen and hopped up on their seats, their small forms sitting on books and such to be able to reach the table. Kakuzu stretched lightly as he browsed through the fridge, wincing lightly at the sight of expensive foods, and he began making sandwiches. Chips on each plate, and then sliced fruit.

Each of the triplets ate differently, from quick, to messily, to slow. Kira always was the first to finish, and he was noted to have a rough-and-tumble kind of personality. He led everything the triplets did, unafraid since he knew nothing could really hurt him. Kiro followed him, and when he tried doing some things Kira did, he did it a bit more messily. He did have a thing for cleaning up after himself, though, and he was noted as the 'follower' of the group. Kire was the quiet one, off to the side, sometimes participating, sometimes doing his own thing.

Kakuzu watched over the kids while they ate, eating his own bit of a sandwich and some chips. All four of them had drinks- the triplets in cups with lids- of milk, and Kira was cracking childish jokes about things. Their father sighed when his outgoing son made one of the others snort the white liquid out of his nose. He wasn't surprised when all three thought that to be the coolest thing. Black tendrils were already collecting –pleasantly cheap, but good quality- paper towels from the kitchen.

The Fathers of the Akatsuki were on the job, while the Mothers were pampered. Deidara had the split ends trimmed off his hair, Itachi got a full-body massage, and Hidan hit the pool. The three were enjoying their time, and vowed to do this a few times a year for a relaxing break. Because hell if anyone knew how hard it was to be a 'mother' on top of being a missing nin of an evil and powerful organization.

* * *

A bit of a lacking ending there, I know, but this chapter's a bit longer then the others (I think). I've been busy with doing things with some other friends, school projects, and a bunch of other things at once, so I'm sorry if my update is a lot later then I'd hoped to get it done xx

Please Review! I love all of your comments!


	7. Day 1 End

**Summery: **M-preg, crack-a-fic. Kisame discovers why Itachi seems to be gaining weight. The entirety of the Akatsuki learn to never leave any form of child with Hidan for any given point of time. Deidara understands why any woman would want to strangle her partner while during childbirth. Crack, and Yaoi.

**Disclaimer: **I still don't quite own Naruto… Tch.

**Whoop:** I seriously love you guys. You always put your comments, and let me know if I'm doing well or not, and –sniffle- I love you! –drama tears of joy-

Caoschix drew us a picture of Sasori, Deidara, Ishikoro, and Hakusa.

littleminion1292dotdeviantartdotcom/art/proud-parents-84864943

Go look and oogle! And sorry for the random chapter input! Space Monkey Ninjas in Hula Skirts stole my brain and they won't give it back 3

**Remember:** In the Japanese culture, it's not impolite to slurp your noodles.

* * *

After diaper changes, and lunch being served, the three fathers with the league of Akatsuki-kin sat in front of the television for some 'relaxed watching'.

Kisame held Matsuba while Ishikoro and Hakusa teetered together in Sasori's lap. The triplets were entertaining all three of the babes, sticking fingers up noses, and having poking contests. The adults were watching some paid programming thing until Kakuzu changed the channel, and a horror movie came on.

The room grew suddenly quiet as all eyes were drawn to the television. The triplets settled, and the baby-crew gurgled and watched. Kisame shrugged lightly at Kakuzu, deeming this to be somewhat of a good thing before Matsuba picked up on Kira's 'everything has to have swear words' moment to prove to his siblings that he could talk like Daddy-bitch could. Sasori gave a soft sigh of relief, as well.

It wasn't until towards the end of the movie that Zetsu decided to appear, while the triplets were close to the TV, drawn in by the blood and guts of someone being ripped to shreds. Kisame had just gotten back from getting Matsuba's bottle, and Hakusa and Ishikoro were babbling baby commentary. The venus-flytrap gone wrong made his appearance by rising through the floor and the television set, and then walking out.

Three Elite S-Ranked Akatsuki Shinobi screamed like little girls. The kids' initial reactions were fear, and then laughter. They cheered, laughed, and clapped at Zetsu and their fathers for getting scared. Zetsu looked miffed and stalked off, obviously unappreciated by the reactions to his sudden appearance. Eventually, things calmed down and Kisame and Matsuba went to nap, while Sasori took the twins into the room to play in their pen.

* * *

As the day commenced, dinner was shared together, all three 'fathers' moving to make sure their offspring was well fed, the food wasn't getting thrown somewhere, and the triplets weren't setting a bad example for the other trio. Afterwards was movie time again, the parents finding it easier to keep an eye on the kids while their eyes were glued to the television. Another horror, as cartoons and other children's shows didn't seem interesting enough.

Matsuba fell asleep during the movie, so Kisame bid the other two adults a good night before carrying the sleepy babe to the bedroom to put him in his crib. Making sure he settled alright, the shark-nin went and took a hot shower, before getting ready for bed. Just as he was about to settle his head onto his pillow, the sleeping shape woke and began crying in his crib.

Kisame slowly got up and went over to peek in. Matsuba didn't look happy, and it wasn't a diaper cry, or a hungry sort of cry. Picking his son up and examined him while the babe stopped a little to stare with teary eyes back at him. "What's wrong, Matsuba?" the shark-nin asked, and frowned as the crying started up again. He tried setting him back in his crib and tucking him in, but that didn't work. The binkie was spit back out again, and even resting him on Itachi's pillow on the bed didn't help.

"What does 'Tachi do when you're like this?" Kisame murmured with a sigh, trying to think. He picked Matsuba up again and rested him against his shoulder, making soft noises to try and calm the babe as he rocked him back and fourth. Gradually, the effect worked, and the shark-nin smiled in relief. "Matty, Matty… what were you crying for in the first place?" he asked as the small child sucked on some fingers of his tiny hand, slowly starting to lull to sleep again.

Kisame cradled the babe in his arms and looked down at him with a smile, beady black orbs looking back up at him. "Did you have a nightmare, maybe?" the shark-nin asked, shifting and sitting on the bed. "Too many horror movies… sometimes they bother me, too." He tickled Matsuba's chin a little with a finger, and smirked as the small babe smiled. "Alright, back to bed. You want to sleep with Daddy?" He took the child's yawn as a 'yes' and carefully rested him in bed with him when he crawled back in.

Sleepy Matsuba slept close to Kisame the entire night, sucking softly on his fist and only waking up for a little bit sometime in the early morning while the shark-nin shifted, before falling asleep again.

* * *

Meanwhile…

During the events at the hideout, the 'Mothers' of the Akatsuki enjoyed themselves. With hair cuts, massages, and swimming came other more –serious- matters.

"Do you think I should get my ass waxed?" Hidan asked as the three of them sunbathed at the pool.

Deidara scrunched up his nose and looked over to Hidan as the Jashinist looked over a sheet of paper with different spa costs and treatments. "Why would you do that, un?" he asked, sounding remotely grossed out. "I mean… who would really care, hmm?"

"Kakuzu'd enjoy it… that bastard has some weird kinks, sometimes." Hidan replied with a smirk.

"That is completely and utterly pointless." Came a low murmur from Itachi, and then a sigh as the Uchiha got up. "I'm swimming a bit. Please, continue this conversation. You don't need my input." He pulled his hair back and dove into the pool.

"I think Itachi's right, un. Even if Kakuzu-san might like it, wouldn't it hurt?" Deidara asked. "It's bad enough getting legs, but your butt, hmm?"

"You've had your legs waxed?" Hidan asked, sitting up and looking at his blond company. He laughed and grinned. "I haven't had anything waxed before, but I decided I should start on my ass just for the hell of it. If it hurts, then it hurts. Fucking big deal."

"I double-shinobi-dare you to get a full-body wax, un." Deidara rolled over onto his stomach and grinned at Hidan.

"Why?" The jashinist blinked at the other male.

"I dunno, un. It'd be funny. And, 'sides. Didn't you say Kakuzu-san would like it, hmm?" The blond shrugged lightly and began applying some more sunblock to his back and shoulders.

"Fine. Then I… Triple-Shinobi-dare Itachi to." Hidan grunted, grinning and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Only if Deidara-san does." Itachi rested his arms on the side of the pool and smirked slightly at the dumbstruck Deidara. "What? If I'm going to be brought into this, then so should you."

"U-Un…." Came a mumble, and then the blond scrunched up his nose. "So I guess we're all getting one, then, hmm?" he asked, looking to his cohorts.

"It seems like it. About fucking time! I'm done with the pool- those chicks keep staring at my chest." Hidan said, standing and smirking. "Come on, you two. The paper says it could take a whole day." He watched Itachi sigh and get out of the pool, before Deidara reluctantly got up and gathered his things.

And that was how the trio wound up with a full-body wax while on their vacation. It was a pain for them getting into the steaming water, when their skin still stung from the harsh hair removal. Hidan seemed to enjoy it, while Itachi was indifferent, and Deidara kept huffing that he felt like a girl because his legs and arms were so smooth.

After a bath in the hot prings and listening to Hidan ramble and Deidara complain, Itachi was glad to be left alone in his room at the hotel they were staying in. It was a queen bed, with a decent-sized bathroom, and even a whole television set-up. He wondered how much of a fit Kakuzu would throw at the price of not one, but –three- of those rooms. Setting things down and removing the robe covering him, he slipped into something for bed and sat down to brush out his hair.

A picture of he, Kisame, and Matsuba rested in a frame on the nightstand beside his bed, and he smiled softly at it. Matsuba's first picture, and it was only days after his birth. The babe hadn't even noticed the camera flash. Finishing with his hair, he picked up the picture and looked at it fondly. Although he liked Hidan's vacation plan, it wasn't even the first night over, and he already missed his family.

Family… that made the smile widen on Itachi's lips. Usually, he thought of Sasuke when the word came up, but now he had Kisame and Matsuba. It was nice for it to contain people that loved him, and didn't have a quest to kill him. His smile faded a little, and he set the picture back down before going off to brush his teeth. Deed done, he turned off the room lights and slipped into bed for sleep.

Mommy's days off: Day 1 End.

* * *

This chapter was completely composed of random. The Hidan ass wax thing was a completely random thought that was spawned by lack of sleep. I seriously should be in bed by now. The deal with Matsuba and Kisame, and the little bit of Itachi at the end was probably the only stuff that should count for this chapter ;

Oh well. Please, leave me comments! Maybe give ideas as to what either the fathers, or the mothers, should do next?


	8. Day 2 The Flu

Summery: M-preg, crack-a-fic

**Summery: **M-preg, crack-a-fic. Kisame discovers why Itachi seems to be gaining weight. The entirety of the Akatsuki learn to never leave any form of child with Hidan for any given point of time. Deidara understands why any woman would want to strangle her partner while during childbirth. Crack, and Yaoi.

**Disclaimer:** Own Naruto yet? Erm, no. We'll leave that to the experts.

**Whoop:** We've got lots more favorites, lots more reviews, lots more comments, and I love you! I'm still very sorry it takes me so long to get these up… I get writers block for about a month, and then one day I just feel like writing. I try to keep things regular, though ;

Makes ya sit on the edge of your seat, eh?

**Remember:** Stop, drop, and roll can help you if you're on fire, but not when you have to go to the bathroom.

* * *

The next morning found Sasori and the twins making new toys. More like, Hakusa and Ishikoro sat in their pen and watched their father while he worked at his table, carving two twin dolls for them. Things like this helped keep him occupied when the twins and Deidara were asleep, or if the blond insisted he had everything under control. The redhead smiled at the thought of his partner. He'd hardly slept because he couldn't feel the others' presence beside him in bed.

Working carefully to carve some detail into a hand, a knock came on the door, and Sasori glanced up. "Come in." he called, and blinked as Kakuzu wandered in. The sounds of the triplets did not accompany him, and the redhead was curious.

"Kira caught something yesterday, gave it to the other two, and all of them are in our room. I came to make sure these two weren't effected." The stitched-nin murmured, orbs turning to the babes in their playpen. Two sets of eyes stared back in almost an unnerving sort of manner, and it was the adult who was forced to look away. "Since I don't see them coughing, or complaining loudly, I'll assume they are fine. I'm going to go check on Kisame and Matsuba, now." His visit concluded short, and he left the room, closing the door behind him.

Sasori sighed and shook his head a little to himself, wondering how the triplets could get sick at a time like this. Even thought they were getting old enough to understand most things, it still didn't make it easy for their parents to keep an eye (or four) on them, let alone one and while they were ill. He felt a bit sorry for Kakuzu, but was appreciative that he came to check on the twins, as well. Hazle orbs turned to his kin, and green orbs stared back.

"You two would let me know if you were sick, right?" Sasori asked, raising an eyebrow. He got no response, and he shrugged and went back to work. A cough was issued, and eyebrows were raised as eyes spied the culprit. Both twins looked back at him innocently. And then Ishikoro coughed again, and his sister continued to stare at their father as he did so.

"Hmn. So I thought."

* * *

Kakuzu shook his head to himself as he wandered away from Sasori's room, peeking into his own to check up on the triplets, who were chattering while laying in bed, but otherwise doing as told and staying in one place instead of causing chaos around the room. He went and knocked on Kisame's door and wound up waiting for a few moments. Finally, a 'Just a minute!' was called out, and a few moments later, the door opened.

Kisame obviously was sick. His nose was running a little, and he looked a bit tired. A matching Matsuba was nestled in his arm, the babe giving a light cough at Kakuzu, who in turn looked to the duo with almost amusement. "So you've got it, too." Came the stitched-nin's comment, and he sighed as Kisame nodded, rubbing at his nose a little.

"It's a minor virus that one of the triplets picked up. Drink some tea, I'll get you both some medicine, and get plenty of rest." Kakuzu instructed off the bat, and then the two adults looked out as Sasori came out with Ishikoro and Hakusa in his arms, the puppet master bemused.

"These two are oddballs." The redhead commented lightly, and then paused to observe Kisame. "You look like hell has warmed over."

"I feel it." The shark-nin mumbled, and then looked to Kakuzu, who'd just told him about what he had. "Are you sure it's from them? Matsuba wasn't doing too well last night… I had to help him quiet down before he would fall asleep, and I caught him coughing a bit when we woke this morning. We went back to sleep for a bit, and now…" he shrugged, giving a cough into a hand.

Kakuzu pondered for a moment, then held up a finger. "All of you, meet me in the livingroom. Sasori, put a face mask on so you don't get sick, too." He looked to Ishikoro, who coughed to punctuate his sentence. "Excuse you."

* * *

Sitting in front of a pacing Kakuzu was a sick Kisame with little Matsuba napping in his arms, Sasori with a face mask on keeping the twins from drooling too much, and a trio of coughing triplets curled up under a blanket on the floor. Nobody seemed to be a happy camper, even though Kira was trying to be silly and make odd noises whenever he coughed or sneezed.

"So it seems it's pretty contagious. Reacts quickly, and causes tiredness, coughing, and sneezing. Sinus stuff, in general, and then possibly a minor fever which would induce the fatigue." He looked to the crowd in front of him and gained a sneeze, cough, and a murmur of acknowledgement. A hot water kettle went off, and Kisame got up to go make himself some tea, keeping his sleeping babe tucked in one arm.

Hakusa was starting to show effects of the illness, as well, and Sasori sighed whenever either she or Ishikoro coughed. The puppeteer was unhappy he had a pair of sick kids to take care of, as well as Kakuzu, and even Kisame had to take care of Matsuba while he was sick. Hazel eyes remained on his kin as he wished for Deidara's return. Maybe even if the silly blond got himself sick, things would run a little smoother then the 'child-parent meeting with Kakuzu'.

Kakuzu waited for Kisame's return to continue issuing out healing orders and such. He looked to the triplets and knelt down in front of them, making sure they were comfortable and brushing hair away from Kire's face, who had his head rested on Kira's shoulder. It was sweet, how all three of them were included in everything, even if it seemed one was off to the side, not conversing or being paid attention to. They always did things together. He smiled lightly to himself, and was amused as a murmur of, "Damn cough and fucking nose…" came from Kira's rambling mouth as he talked to Kiro.

The stitched-nin was reminded of his own partner, and he sighed as he patted all three on the head before standing again when Kisame came out with his tea and Matsuba, who'd woken up for a few moments for a small coughing fit, before nestling into his fathers' arm again and settling in for sleep. "So, to solve this problem without too much fuss… As I was saying to Kisame-san… Plenty of rest, healthy foods with plenty of vitamins, and I will be issuing medicine out here in a moment. If coughing seems persistent, a hot bath or shower. Is that reasonable?"

Sasori and Kisame both nodded their agreement, and then Hakusa began to get whiny in a way that could only mean a fit was coming up, or a large round of crying that would set Ishikoro off. Out of all six of the Akatsuki children, they seemed the slowest in gaining words. They cried or remained silent, and that was about it. Sometimes, small bubbles of what might be wording came from them if Deidara was around, but they were as apathetic as Sasori when around him alone.

The puppeteer went to put the twins in for a nap and to calm them down, and Kisame made a comment of wanting to take a shower when he finished his tea. That left Kakuzu and the triplets, and then Zetsu wandered in to get something from the kitchen. He paused to stare for a moment, before continuing on to whatever he was doing.

Kakuzu sighed softly and snagged the blanket from the triplets, wrapping Kire in it and carrying him to their room while Kiro and Kira followed close behind. The trio was tucked in after given a basic cold medicine that the stitched-nin was sure would help. He made sure all of them were asleep after a few minutes, before grabbing two spare bottles of the medicine, and going to catch Kisame before his shower, and then giving one to Sasori as well as he handled sleepy, sick, and grumpy twins. Deed done, he went to take a shower of his own to relax and make sure he wasn't going to get sick as well.

* * *

Meanwhile…

Deidara, Itachi, and Hidan had all sneezed simultaneously during breakfast, the next day. It had been an odd moment, with Hidan chattering up a storm, letting the other two know the plans for the day, while Itachi pretended to listen, and Deidara focused on his food.

The blond was first to rub his nose and look around for anything that might cause allergies, before scrunching up his nose. "I wonder how they're doing at home, hmm..." He murmured, suddenly interested in poking at his rice.

"Who knows? Regardless, they should be pretty okay, if not busy." Itachi murmured in return, reaching over for some more fresh fruit to put in his hot cereal consisting of warm milk and hot rice.

Hidan just looked oddly at the other two males, and then fished out his schedule for the day. "No time to worry about what they're doing, dicks. We've got a set schedule that also includes parts of our mission, so you should be paying attention!" he chomped down on a piece of toast and chewed it furiously, wondering how the hell Kakuzu would be able to take care of the triplets if something happened, without him.

"First off, it's another trip to the spa." The zealot stared at his partners as they groaned in unison.

"Again, Hidan, un?" Deidara asked, still feeling a little sore from having almost all the hair on his body being pulled off with hot wax and sheets of paper.

"Yes, again." Hidan responded matter-of-factly, and then returned to the schedule. "Then we'll have lunch with one of our accomplices… There's supposedly a nice BBQ place down the road from here, so it won't be too far a walk." The jashin-worshipper rambled on, before finally pausing as someone tapped him on the shoulder. He noted Itachi's surprised stare, and Deidara's dropped jaw.

"I was told you boys might be relaxing for a bit, so Leader-Sama had me come and join you." Konan smiled, taking the extra chair at their table and eating a piece of fruit. She seemed amused by the expressions the trio of males in front of her were giving. Itachi was the first to stop staring and continue with his breakfast. Deidara reluctantly followed, leaving Hidan to gape.

"Aren't you the one who helped keep an eye on my little fuckers when Kakuzu and I were busy?" the jashinist asked, getting back to his breakfast as he seemed to be fine with Konan's company. "I don't suppose you know what's going on, right now?" he asked, then blinked as Itachi and Deidara stared at him. "What? You fuckers asked earlier!"

Konan laughed lightly to herself, nibbling more on the trio's breakfast. "Yes, indeed, Hidan. Now, about that schedule you were so elaborately explaining?" The conversation was picked up again, and the four Akatsuki-nin worked on their relaxation-with-work day.

* * *

A bit longer of a chapter, and we'll be seeing more of Konan! I'll try and work Pein in, as well… probably helping take care of the sickos back in the hideout. Zetsu might even get a part in something. I kind of made up the sickness a bit… I don't think anything spreads and reacts that fast, though it's got the effects of some sort of sinus cold, I guess…

Obviously I thought it was cute to have someone get sick… but I also thought it would be cuter to have Kisame sick, too… I think I have a few more cute moments planned, and hopefully I'll get the next chapter done sooner then I got this one done. Feel free to prod at me if I'm taking too long :P

Please, as usual- Review and let me know what you think! I always take your comments and ideas into account for the next chapters, and it's nice to know that people like what I type :)


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